Saturday, August 30, 2008

Following your heart; Where has it gone?

Someone great once said, listen to your heart. Eventually, everyone else adapted that quote and made their own versions of it, my generation however doesn't exactly know how to follow it.

Growing up with the internet has made my generation a group of emotional wrecks. Im-ing, texting and blogging all give us emotional outlets to get caught up in situations which allow us to express and create feelings we wouldn't have said or felt if we talked face to face. Not to mention emo's found their way to main stream culture making it the "cool' thing to be dramatically depressed. Heartfelt emails, im-ing until four in the morning, crying and lurking the pages of ones we once loved have come like second nature to us. The real question I'm now wondering is what effect has this had on the all the relationships were in. One of the good things has been were able to get to know people in quicker time and talk more frequently without excuses. Im-ing has the ability to bring up any topic in a matter of seconds, share our favorite music with one another and ask personal things that would be harder to do when confronted with one another. The other bonus is the element of "fantasy" it has created. It is so easy to type poetic feelings and songs of love to one another. It is also easier to fight about any little feeling or problem you have. I could go on for a lot longer about all the affects this has had on young adults love lives but the main question I've been pondering is have most of us lost sight of the big picture?

I find so many of us have these quotes about following our hearts, staying true to ourselves and going after our dreams slathered all over our facebook's and myspaces. So much of this seems like a novelty to me, most people are scared to put themselves out in the world as anything other then objects of aesthetic worship such as myspace stars or musicans. Even I can admit to having a fear of what impact confronting my deepest emotions could have. This blog alone has put me in a position where my feelings are made fun of and laughed at by ex’s and their friends daily. I want so badly to follow my heart and tell people how I truly feel but when after so long all it ever brings me is embarrassment, emptiness and breakdowns I'm a lot more cautious. I’ve toned down a lot of my feelings and find myself trying my hardest to feel numb and try and fit in. My best friends however see behind that, I love them for it but I hate so much how I burden them with what I have to keep inside myself.

What happened to the days when telling a person you loved them via love letter or in person it MEANT something. I feel like the emails I've sent with my feelings have been disregarded, deleted and burnt. Sent to the bottomless hell of internet trash talking where I and anyone else who's emails of affection that have gone unanswered remain. Are the letters we send to one another taken seriously by the recipient? Can an email really change the opinion of someone you love that is too caught up with the drama to even consider the fact they might- just MAYBE love you back? I know that I personally have too much hope in situations like this but my friends and hundreds of other people out their ask the same questions when they send their last hope in an email.

Last resort emails have worked, one example being Big in the Sex and the City Movie sending emails to Carrie. This however, didn't work until she took a huge step back and saw the big picture. She had to let go of her grudge for the wedding not working out and see that she truly loved him and couldn't be happy without him. Sadly, I find that us teenagers get to caught up- caught up in the embarrassment of what our friends would think; after shit talking the said love one for so long and it ends up hindering our motivation to see the truth in how we really feel. What I have found frustrating and admit to doing all the time is how we seem to anonymously talk to the person we're in love with or hurt by indirectly; through our msn names and facebook status messages. Most often in the expression of lyrics we relate to. Does this talking to air strengthen our love for the ones with miss and fuel our hate towards the ones who have hurt us? Also, when you find out the other person is writing things, so obviously about you; good or bad. Doesn’t that mean they still have feelings for you? You wouldn’t do that about someone you didn’t care about and obviously if your shoving something like that into the public deep down in your heart you WANT them to see the message, right?

With every last decision, conversation and feeling of ours being exposed on the internet, I don't think most of us have the ability to follow our hearts anymore. I may not care what people think about me to a certain extent but when I know how the person I like will react I've just pretty much given up. I think that the relationships where the two people are madly in love are ones you have to fight for. If both people aren't strong enough to see the big picture and follow what is truly in their hearts- behind all the pride, gossip and "what people would say if their relationship status on facebook changed to that certain person" then there’s just no hope. There is going to be a lot of unhappy people walking around with the words what if stuck in their mind in ten years for sure. In a way, we've been brainwashed into tragedy loving, stubborn idiots who are completely incapable of being truly happy. It's just so frustrating when you know there is someone out there who cares enough to write about how you hurt them in their msn name but no amount of emails could explain or change the outcome of the hell and drama you both fell into.

R.I.P following your heart.


Sarah.J. said...

Yes. Another point to all the e-mails and getting to know people fast.

Since we get to know people faster we have more genuine feelings for them; thinking WOW i really connect to this person so well! and you feel strongly for them. Its happened to me its happened to you it happens to a lot of people. Since the communication is so easy we think we know the person so well and we "fall in love" and love in which dies so fast and can cause many broken hearts and many troubles.

But the big picture behind scenarios is that we love the person.. not that we are IN LOVE with them.

There is a difference between being in love and just loving someone. The media is out there saying and pressuring people into having a relationship or a boyfriend, that when we feel the slightest bit of strong feeling for someone we react on it. It is such a strong image on the youth today that some people cannot feel good abut themselves unless they have one, and people spending hours being upset over it, either because they don't have it or because they have had it and lost it. Someone always gets hurt.

It seems at this age that dating is unnecessary. Other then getting some experience it seems to do more harm them good. Not only do you have to deal with the break up, and the heart break, you have to deal with the fact that EVERYONE is going to know within a few days. Yes, maybe its because of facebook status or msn. So to top things off you find yourself dodging a million questions from people you barely know. Asides from that there is usually a few people who like to bring you down even further and make fun of you telling you you were not good enough for the person. Since one already has been feeling down that attacks there self esteem making things 100000000X worse.

In some cases you try to build a friendship with the person. Things may seem to be good but then there is the dreaded rumors ( and you already can't stand to show your face )and those cause shit with you and the person, so you find yourself trying to keep things together with them ( cause everyone hates the person that just stops talking and being like OH I HATE YOU over something like that when nothing was really done wrong. ) Then that seems to push you down even more.

Then we get to the rebounds. Someone you use to feel like something again and it only can work for so long... its also a bad idea in case the person is likes you or dumps you WHILE YOU ARE STILL IN RE BOUND PHASE. Never a good idea.

Then there is the guy after. They finally give you that same feeling you once had, the one that made you so happy and so in love with the other person. Then it's just gone because you put to much trust into it to fast. Your left there knowing nothing. Again rumors and people bothering you.

So i ask myself a lot, Keely. What is the point? Why now? Seems like a lot of hassle for us all. Its a lot of heartache and we really don't need it. For now it seems to to a lot more harm then good.

I mean marriages are barley lasting now... relationships. People seem to be cheating all the time. There is even websites out there that support you to cheat! and are actually cheating websites where you can meet other married people who are bored with there wives!! ( Article about them )

What has become of love in general? Is it just someone we are comfortable with? Someone who judges us less then someone else? Steady sex? Love seems to be based more off that now a days.

As for now, i say screw it all! We have much better things to do then worry about this and watch out youth become corrupted.

Remember kids, there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them :)

Young, Chic, and Social said...

Sarah, you rock my socks. It is SOO very true, maybe we should try following our own advice for once now LOL!!

Sarah.J. said...

yes maybe BUUT to put that whole thing simply...

All that = Hiding in your room for a week eating only fast food.

Young, Chic, and Social said...

and learning
"how not to die"

Sarah.J. said...

Keely Valentine loves her nanushka dress! < says:
Keely Valentine loves her nanushka dress! < says:
did u see my commetn
Sarah Jelly::.. says:
Sarah Jelly::.. says:
so true
Keely Valentine loves her nanushka dress! < says:
Keely Valentine loves her nanushka dress! < says:
It feels good ranting doenst it
Sarah Jelly::.. says:
oh yeah xD until we wake up tomrow, then repeat!
Keely Valentine loves her nanushka dress! < says:
Sarah Jelly::.. says:
eyes? xD
Keely Valentine loves her nanushka dress! < says:

Young, Chic, and Social said...

have you noticed how the boys we have problems with are just to much like us?

sarah.J said...

They seem to be a bad idea.
*Ahem* crazy drunk boy
*Ahem* the after party after the philphys show

Teaching Kids Yoga said...

Hi Young, Chic, and Social,

I just found your blog and it surprised me that you're writing about something I'm also thinking about.

I teach yoga and so many of my students have just given up on love. Some go from "following your heart" to "burying your heart." They've just given up on love.

But without love life would be boring. It's what the yogi's say, "when you love, that is when you understand what God is."

I decided to do a yoga course about it called Authentic Relationships. It starts next week. I'd like to invite you to come to a class to get some yoga wisdom on the topic.

Plus I'd love to read your blog about it after!

It's downtown Toronto - let me know if you're interested.

Teaching Kids Yoga said...

P.S. I teach both kids and adults - and the Authentic Relationships course is not for kids.

Teaching Kids Yoga said...

Hi Keely,

Here's the link to the Authentic Relationship course on my webpage:

You can reach me directly at:

Looking forward to you coming for a class and hopefully getting new hope for the heart from the yogis perspective!

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