You know how sometimes you have thoes days that werent amazing but ones you'd miss if they were gone? Today was totally one of them, i went to chris's house to record my new song gothic lolita tragedy. It was fun, we worked hard and had fun. Chris was really nice and even took me to the mall when i got hungrey, he didnt even rush me either. We got back and made some jokes about liz and stuff. It was really alot of fun, i feel like chris really cares about me and i really care about him too. He's like the older brother i never had. Liz is like our mom too, its really funny how she has to yell at us when we argue and get mad when we dont get our work done. She's also there to push us, encourage us and just listen to our problems. It feels so good to have my own little disfuntional family. I feel safe with them, there like a escape for me and the hope i need for the future.
I even watched a movie with my parents tonight. Were okay, atleast for now
The song by the way sounds freaking sick.
Its funny, i had such an amazing night last night that ended up in somewhat of a bad dream.. its werid actusally. All i know is that it meant alot and had alot to do with whats happened in the lsat few months of my life. In my dream, i started going out with some.. recent guy and we were happy and it was all good. Then we were like on a cruise, i picked up the phone and it was asshole.. he was on the cruise too and he called me apoligizing for everything. I didnt know what to do so i hung up. When he called back my former friend picked up the phone and bitched him out but not in a bitchy way, just how he hurt me.. He got mad so i called him back and explained. To my surpise he said it was okay.. Leading me to think he had actsually changed. That hope lead me to dump my boyfriend and meet up with him on the cruise. It hurt so much. when i saw him he took my breath away, he really shouldnt have but he did. He acted different, he was his miserable grumpy self but he was still a tiny bit sweet (but only becuase he was actsaully with me) It hurt becuase he really made me happy, really really happy. Things were going great until we went to the pool together and he just dissapered. I waited forever and ended up hanging out with the people from the playboy press conference trying to find him. ( dont freaking ask about my dreams) I went back to my room and cried to josh ( i cant quite remeber some of this). Asshole came back though.. he said he had to go to dinner and i just gave up becuase i knew it wasnt an agument i could win. I was so happy to be with him again. He even offered to take me down my school hallways (on the cruise apperntly?) but as we were going down them.. he dissapered again. Somehow my dream ended up me crying because my drama teacher and this popluar guy from school were throwing things really hard at me during class.
Yeah i know i seriously dont get it...
What i do sadly understand is, I feel like i almost need to get to know each other more. We think we know each other but we really didnt see each other to. We sadly know how to get the worst of each other but who doesnt on msn? It hurts, it really does and i thought of that while i was sitting in lagos on the couch pratically sleeping while he was mixing the song.
I cant stay and think about it though becuase the horrible truth is he wouldnt get to know me anyways. Not only that but even in my dream, he just always dissapered espically when i needed them and he promised to be there forme. Also that he was in denial that he would run away.
I have a new boy
I feel like i might be getting some parts of the life i need back and gaining new ones ill have to learn how to live with and make the best of.
It does kinda hurt to know my life isnt going to be in erindale and im going to loose all thoes people and the whole aspect of having this playground of mississauga but i'm not happy there and iv certainly known since day one i couldnt stay there. Its funny how i cant live with things, no matter how much they hurt me. I know whats right for me, I know what i have to do. Leaving hurts for me more then anything but I should be glad i have something guiding me, something stronger then my emotions. After all i want to be happy, i really truely do its just such a pain in the ass to try to get there.