Friday, December 21, 2007

Honestly, tonight was perfect and i couldnt even have asked for better. I'm seriously crying right now becuase i missed them so much.

Alright so, i went to my friend b'shouse who i dated for ALONG time years ago and his friends and kyle were there. It was alot of fun and then my best friend who stoped hanging out with me last year came. Literly, when she walked in and hugged me i had to try SO hard not to cry it was insane. I missed this girl more then i think iv ever missed anyone. We spent this perfect night just laughing, making jokes and making fun of each other literly just like we used to. It was like nothing changed at all. Now that I think about it, i ran away to a new town, obessed over a random guy and let him hurt me just becasue the pain of loosing them hurt so much i couldnt just let it stay that way anymore. Now i want to move back to burlington and try it again but what if it doenst work? Part of me thinks my best friend will go bacfk to her new friends and not talk to me for months and only on msn but now that i think about it, pretenting to be this girl at my new school, the girl no one knows and the girl who has all the problems. I cant go back to that, i dont want to go back to that. I like being keely, i love being her. There really the only people who know me and the only ones i can be keely with. Without them, I'm just that new girl. The one they cant even get to really know becuase without them i dont know myself. So should i move back, back to feeling lonely and possibly just watch her in the hallways, hear about her through gossip and suffer being known by literly everyone in the town as keely valentine just for a chance that mabey we could all be together again. Or do i stay, not knowing who i am, not being myself and just being empty and around people who would never be caught dead running thorough hallways screaming shit like "ASHIDAISH GERMAN FROGS"
There dorks
there amazing
and there really the only ones who know how to make my smile

You know, its so funny i thought about how id give anything to go back to thoes days when everything was okay and now that i was able to It hurts becasue now i remeber how much it hurts without them andit makes me so scared to wonder if ill be lost without them again.

I'll remeber tonight forever and i honestly dont know if itll hurt me or help me.

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