Sunday, September 16, 2007


Oh my god.
I realised it.
I realised why im so attached to asshole.

I know i never loved him.
I know he was the worst thing that happened to me.
I know im stronger then him.
I know he'll end up horrriably unhappy.
But what i didnt know was why the hell i would put up with that for a year.
Now i think i do.

He was controling, tried to crush all my dreams, would never put any effort into anything, always tried to change me and made me cry ever night but the funny thing is when he told me he loved other people it never made me cry and i swear i think i put the puzzel together.

I put up with him so long, cried over him so long and couldnt leave just becuase the realationship i had with him was exactly like my parents. My dad doesnt care about anybody, everytime you think OKAY HE HAS TO BE HUMAN, he literly never is. He doesnt give a shit about my mom. My moms turned into a horriably grumpy monster and shes basically dug herself into a hole that shes not going to crawl out of. I feel so bad, i can see this total like light in my mom but she wasnt strong enough to fight to be the amazing person she was and just let herself get fked over becuase it was proably easier for her at the time. I hate that so much. When i realised this though I knew this would be me and asshole if i didnt stop this. And i have to stop this. I cant go back. I cant. I know iv probly said that hundreds of times but i just wont! Singing got me through everything and thank god. Singings not only my destiny its the thing thats saved me, saved me from my parents, saved me from asshole and has kept me alive and always hopeing. Thank you god.
Now that i got rid of asshole
what am i going to do about my parents?
i clearly have way to many childhood issues becuase of them. I'v ruined every good realtionship iv had becuas of the way they've treated me and i dont know what to do becuase there clearly not changing anytime soon!

I need to seriously just remeber
Im K.V bitch!
Its my heart!
Its my life!
I got this far alone
and I'll keep going without you!

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